Not Your Average Discussion
by LiquidVamp
Summary: [No Pairing] COMPLETE! Part 5 of the Severus Snape Saga. It's time for some secrets to be brought to light. Severus must face his son and admit that he's made some terrible mistakes that have cost them both a happy life. Will Harry accept him or not?


**Not Your Average Discussion**

**Part 5 of the Severus Snape Saga**

_**A/N: **My muse is simple girl. All she likes are plot bunnies and reviews. So be kind to Maggie and feed her review cookies please.** Big thanks to my beta Lbandoly for her hard work.**_

_No copyright infringement intended. All characters are the property of JKR, Scholastic, and any number of other companies with more money than I've ever dreamed of seeing. I didn't make any money off of this, so please don't sue._

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Harry sat in the semi-darkness of twilight atop the covers of his bed lost in thought. He had asked everyone to give him some space after the meeting. Not that it had gone badly. No he had come to accept what Arthur and Professor McGonagall had told them the day before. After all Dumbledore had played him more than once over the years. It only made sense that he did it to others. Who better to do it to than his own spy? But none the less the day had been a drain emotionally. He just needed to space, time and space.

Her couldn't help but think that number 12 Grimwald place probably hadn't seen so much excitement since Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor.

Suffice it to say the entire day had been one surreal dream. Or rather it had felt like a dream. From a frantic Molly baking all day long, stuffing cakes and biscuits down every throat she could find. More than once mumbling to herself that she had best not have to go after him or else his backside would meet the middle of her rolling pen just before he found himself with a nasty case of mites in a delicate location.

Everyone knew who she was talking about. After all Professor McGonagall had informed the order the night before that she had proof that Albus has forced Severus to kill him. She knew where Albus had sent him. She and Arthur would be going the following day to retrieve him and possibly Draco depending on the situation. Shocked as they were, they all knew that it was entirely plausible. Albus was rather known for working things to his will.

Then the evening had arrived and there Severus had stood looking positively broken. Draco hadn't looked a drop better. In fact Molly had to fetch a calming draught for Draco to even get him to sit through the meeting.

As just plain wrong as that picture had been it wasn't the oddest portion of the evening. No, the strangest thing of the evening had been Mad-Eye accepting both of them in without as much as a single complaint. No threats about watching their backs or comments about people being unable to change. He had just nodded his head at the pair and gone on as if nothing had happened. Harry couldn't help but wonder if Dumbledore hadn't told him before his death what he was planning.

But no matter what he could still tell the Order wasn't telling him something. Sure he wasn't really a full member of the Order so being allowed at not one but two meetings in a week was surprising enough, but still he could tell there were things left unsaid because of his presence.

A knock at his door roused him from his thoughts. "Mione I told you I would see you in the morning," he called out to the person on the other side of the door.

The door opened to reveal Severus standing in the hall. "I don't much care for being referred to as a bushy haired-know-it-all female." Night had fully settled in, plunging the room into near total darkness. He pulled his wand and gave it a flick. "Lumos."

Harry snorted as Severus placed his wand back up his sleeve now able to fully see the man who still stood in the doorway. "I knew your little act downstairs was just that an act. You're no more torn up over what you did than I am a vampire with angel wings."

"Pot…Harry…everything you heard downstairs is completely true."

Harry raised an eyebrow at the former potions master. "Maybe so but you and I both know there was something left unsaid down there. There is always something left unsaid when I'm around. First it was Dumbledore and now it's everyone else. Poor Harry bloody Potter. We can't tell him anything. We'll just wait and see if he gets himself killed this time instead of telling him what he needs to know to begin with."

Severus wasn't sure he had ever heard that particular tone in the boy's voice. It was cold and detached. Something about it scared him…it sounded a bit too much like he had once upon a time. "Now you're just being insolent."

"Better to be cheeky than to be a liar."

Severus walked into the room and shut the door behind him.

Harry looked skeptically at the man who was invading his room. "What do you want anyway? I told you downstairs I'll accept what you did and that you are truly spying for the light. You have no reason to speak to me."

"You did. But as hard as it might be for you to grasp I do have a reason to be here speaking to you; far more so than anyone else in this house does in fact."

"Sure whatever…Say what you want to and get out."

Severus had to work hard to stop from tearing the boy a new arse for his unusually fierce comments. "Harry, for five minutes put your own selfish pride behind you and listen. I'm not the enemy. I never have been no matter how I have been forced to act."

"Forced to act? You like it," he accused the older man. "You like cutting people down with your words. You get some perverse joy out of making people cry with you remarks."

Severus moved across the room and took a seat in the straight backed chair that sat next to the bed where Harry sat. "I will not deny that I do enjoy it to some extent but only against certain people. Moody for example is an easy one to spar verbal with because he gives as much in return as he takes typically. Mr. Longbottom has earned nearly every comment I've made about him. How one can blow up that many caldrons is something that mystifies me. Miss. Granger…Miss Granger reminds me of myself and of someone else I knew when I was your age. It's easy to target her because I was once a target. However no matter what joys I take in cutting down some others kill me to have to do so."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right, sure."

"Harry I'm not here to argue with you or to cut you down or anything else you might expect from me. Therefore do be quiet for one bloody minute and just listen. Can you do that?"

"Yes." His response was terse and almost cold.

"You accuse the Order of keeping secrets from you. You're correct. But it's not the Order so much that is keeping as a select few. The rest know nothing. They are as blind to the truth as the rest of the world."

"What truth?"

"I'm getting there Harry."

"You keep calling me Harry. Why?"

"It is your name is it not?"

"Yes."

"I am no longer your professor, we can drop the niceties. In fact you're more than welcome to call me Severus as Draco has come to."

Harry nodded in reply unsure of what to say to dark haired man. The man was acting as far from what Harry would consider normal as possible. It was throwing him off a bit.

"Now as I was saying. There are a very small group of people who are keeping a secret from you. Minerva, Arthur who has only known since Albus' will was read, Draco who I point out didn't know until this morning when Minerva let it slip, and me. I came up to actually tell you what that secret is. I suspect you are going to hate me even more so than you do already when the truth is finally out. For that I won't blame you. I'll honestly deserve your ire."

Severus stopped to reign in his emotions. He couldn't not afford for them to get the better of him at this moment. "I have two ways I can tell you. I can simply tell you or we can go downstairs and use the pensive to show you what happened from the very beginning. This option would take longer. It would be well into the early morning hours before we got to the point where the truth would be out. Well I suppose there is a third option. I could tell you the core of it and then show you only the memories that would prove it. The choice is yours."

"Just tell me."

Severus nodded. "I'm sure you remember the memory you saw in my quarters during your occlumancy training." Harry nodded absently. "Had you seen the entire thing you would have seen the beginning of my relationship with the woman I would come to intend to marry; your mother Lily."

"Excuse me."

"Harry please. All I ask is that you listen to everything. Let me get it out then you may do your worst."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. "Fine."

"That night Lily kissed me. From there we developed a wonderful relationship. Yes Potter, Lupin, and Black knew but at the risk of pissing off Lily they kindly kept their mouths shut unless she wasn't around. Make no mistake, just because Lily and I were together did not mean they cut me in slack. They just made sure to not get caught by her. Not wishing to have a woman fight my battles I never told her either. Lily was a formidable witch very much like your own Miss Granger. She was quick with her wand when she needed to be and often extremely protective of the people she cared for. However unlike Miss Granger, _everyone_ loved Lily. Frankly it would have been hard to not love her."

He stopped again to gather his thoughts before continuing on. "Our relationship became intimate just before the end of our seventh year. By this time I had planned to ask her to marry me. However I didn't wish to do so until I had completed my potions mastery. After all I have no money to speak of, a rickety house in an industrial neighborhood of London, and absolutely nothing else. I felt it unwise to ask her to marry me until I could provide her with a decent life. Our relationship carried on in the same way for the next few years while I trained. One evening she and I got in a terrible row. She left Spinner's End very angry. I made the mistake of telling her to not come back if that was the way she felt. I didn't see her for some two weeks. I was dieing without her. Every moment that passed only served to tell me just how badly I had messed everything up. I however never made a move to find her.

On the fourteenth day that she had been gone a young woman cornered me in the Leaky Caldron during my lunch break. She informed me that James Potter has tossed her to the curb after he had slept with Lily. I was furious. The thought of Lily being in any other man's bed…well I'm sure I don't have to explain to you how that would feel."

"No sir." Harry had never personally experienced it but living in a boarding school you saw instances where couples ended up torn to shreds for cheating. It never ended well.

"Three days after that Lily showed back up on my door step. I didn't give her time to get a word in as I accused her. She didn't deny it. Well I guess she did try to explain it, but I didn't give her a chance to explain. She left again that night. When I returned home the following evening everything of hers that she typically left in my home was gone along with a note that informed me she was pregnant. I never once stopped to consider that child could be mine. I simply assumed the child was Potter's. That was my forth mistake if you have decided to keep track."

Severus dropped his head into his hands with his elbows on his thighs as the pain of the past washed over him. With his head still bowed he began again. "As the weeks past the pain of her betrayal ate at me until I could no longer take it. At dinner one evening with Lucius, he offered me a way to 'pay back the little mudblood' as he put it. I blindly and willingly followed him into the Dark Lord's service. I won't lie to you and tell you that I didn't do anything wrong while I was completely in his service. You are not naive enough to believe it even if I said it. I did some truly unspeakable things all the while telling myself I was doing this to hurt her the way she had hurt me. No matter what I did the ache of losing her never went away. I only managed to add guilt for my actions to it."

He stopped wishing for a glass of Firewhisky suddenly. "My hopes and dreams of marrying her long since dashed against the rocks. Lily married James rather suddenly after leaving the note for me that she was pregnant. During Lily's fifth month of pregnancy she summoned me to meet her in a location that she and I had met in at other times before we had gone our separate ways. It was that meeting that saved me from remaining a Deatheater for the rest of my life."

Harry looked Severus in the face. "Why do I know where this is going?"

"Because you know how many children and how many lovers Lily Potter had. One child and only two possible choices for the father as it would seem. Well only possible choice as it would turn out. The tale that I had been told that Lily had slept with James was a lie. She admitted during that meeting that she almost had allowed herself to sleep with Potter but had run off at the last possible moment. She hadn't slept with him. I would find out a few weeks later that she hadn't slept with him until the night she convinced him to elope."

"That means…"

"Yes Harry it does."

Harry sat for a moment stunned. It never had once occurred to him that his parent's life hadn't been all sugar quills and roses before their deaths. But apparently it hadn't been that at all. He was left a bit confused though. "Why do I look like him if I'm your son?"

"Lily had called me to meet her to find out if the rumors that the order had heard that I had taken the mark were true and to request a particular potion when she found out I had. This potion when taken by a pregnant mother can change the physical look of the child she is carrying for the entire life of that child given the child is never given the antidote. A lock of Potter's hair provided genetic material that when put in the potion made you look nearly like his spitting image."

"Oh." Harry looked at anything but the man he now knew to be his real father. "Why?"

"Why did she ask me to make that potion? Because I was the only one capable of doing so that would have kept our secret. Because I had taken the dark mark. Because having already taken the mark would have gotten Lily, you, and I all killed had she come back to me. The list is long. But the fact was mainly because I screwed up and pushed her into the arms of another man. She had to marry that man to protect you and save her own dignity. Not that it was too large a put out. After all I know she loved James as much as she loved any of the Marauders because I know she did; however she wasn't in love with him."

"So you made it."

"I had no choice but to make it. I was the one that overheard the prophecy about you granted it was well before I knew the child Lily was carrying was mine. I knew the moment I read the letter from her that she was with child due to give birth during the 7th month that you were the child of that prophecy. Discovering that you were my child made it that much more important to keep you hidden away. Had Lily left James to come back to me the Dark Lord would have killed her and I both before you were even born simply because I was with a muggle-born. It was either hide you as a Potter or risk everyone dieing."

"Is that why you turned spy?"

"In part. Partly because of the prophecy, partly because I hated what I had allowed myself to turn into, partly because I had disappointed Lily so badly and I wanted to be able to fix it even when I knew I couldn't begin to. But mainly because I hoped that if the war was over I could have you both back."

"Why didn't you…"

"Why didn't I come take you back after Lily and James were killed?"

Silent tears tracked down Harry's face. "Yes," he answered with whisper.

"I was in no condition to take care of you. I could barely take care of myself. I didn't even tell Albus that you were mine until you had been with your aunt and uncle for nearly a year. Even then, Albus seemed to know the Dark Lord would be back. We all, meaning Albus, Minerva, and myself, honestly thought you were in a better place as it was. The protection of your mother's love and all…"

Harry nodded in understanding. His mother's magic could only continue to work if he was with a blood relative. Plus Severus had been grieving. He wouldn't be the first father unable to act as one in the wake of losing someone he loved. Harry understood what grief could do to you. A flash of Sirius falling through the veil flickered through his mind.

Severus couldn't hold the walls up any longer. So many years of hiding behind a cold mask of indifference shattered in the blink of an eye watching his son accept the truth of the lies they had been living. Tears that had sat pooled at the corners of his eyes silently slipped down his face. "Harry I know you won't ever fully believe it, but I have truly hated myself for how I've had to treat you. I've cursed myself everyday for the past six years because I got to see you and know you were mine but was never able to treat you like a son should be treated. I hate myself because I've been forced into treating you the way my father treated me. I hate myself for having had to send you back to that house every summer knowing you would return showing signs of abuse. I hate myself for letting you and Lily down. I hate myself for not being able to stop her death. I have done nothing but let you down since the moment you were conceived. For that I am sorrier than you can ever begin to know. I know it's hard for you to believe considering the way I have treated you but I feel I have to say it. I have loved you since the moment Lily told me she was pregnant with my child."

The parting lines of Dumbledore's will came to mind. He could almost hear the Headmaster's voice in his head as the tears streamed down his face. "_Be strong Harry and know that you hold a great power at your finger tips, that there is power in forgiveness, and that love is most powerful in the dark times."_ Harry sat thinking of what that meant. It had very little meaning when Professor McGonagall had first read it, but now, now it had a whole world of meaning. He knew just what it was telling him to do. "I forgive you."

Severus's head snapped up having not expected that response from his son. "Excuse me?"

"I forgive you. I understand why you did what you did." Harry stopped and sat up, looking his father right in the eyes. "I. Forgive. You."

"I don't know how you possibly can."

"Because someone recently reminded me that there is 'power in forgiveness' and I have a sinking suspicion that my mother would want me to."

"You truly are so very much like her. Her spirit, her bravery, her heart; she would be very proud of you I have no doubt."

"Everyone keeps saying that."

"I imagine they tell you often that you have her eyes."

"A whole lot more than I care to hear."

Severus nodded in understanding. To have people constantly tell you that you remind them of someone you've never had the chance to meet was daunting.

"I guess I have to keep this a secret. I mean that's why no one else knows and why I wasn't told until now."

"Actually if you want to stop hiding I'll support that decision."

"But if…"

"If the secret comes out then my position as spy is no longer something I would be capable of doing. Correct. Not much would make me happier than finally being free of that life."

"No one will believe it with the way I look."

"Probably not, but if you recall I mentioned an antidote to the original potion. It's difficult to make, though not nearly as difficult as the original potion. It would require a drop of your blood and one of mine."

"Blood magic is dangerous."

"Yes it is. The process of changing back to the form your body would have had is painful. Mind numbingly so. What few accounts there are of people taking it liken it to being held under the cruciatus for days on end. There are noted occurrences of the person going mad from the pain. Others of the potion not even working making no change in the person's appearance at all. It's not a perfect remedy but it does work most of the time even if it is a bit brutal."

"Can you brew it?"

"Does a phoenix sing?"

Harry smiled. "Would you brew it?"

"If you really want it yes."

"Hermione would probably want to watch."

"As would Draco I'm sure if given the chance to see it made."

"Do you mind if I take some time to think about it?"

"Not at all. I would prefer you did in fact."

Harry nodded. "How do we do this?"

"Do what Harry?"

"Become family?"

"I fear I do not know. The closest I've ever been to having a true family of my own has both ended poorly at my hands. I pushed Lily away and then killed the only person who's ever treated my like a son."

"Will the Order be okay if you stop spying?"

"We would suffer from it I'm sure, but not enough to make a difference I fear. The end is drawing near no matter what position I play. Any information I could glean would give the order at best a few moments warning. The Dark Lord isn't stupid enough to announce a time and date for his last battle with you even to his commanders. He's far too paranoid to not expect that each of them are out to steal his glory."

"You'll be in danger if you just stop."

"I've always been in danger."

"Won't he hunt you down if you quit going when he calls?"

"It would take him weeks to realize I'm doing it on purpose. The nature of my job as his 'spy into the Order' has always given me some leeway. After all I couldn't always go when he called if I didn't want my position to be discovered. He's really a rather large fool for not realizing before now that I've been playing him all along. But to answer you question I would be hunted once he figured it out."

"And if he finds out about me?"

"It changes nothing. He already wants you dead although you scare him. He sees in you the potential to be his ruin. Though for all that it scares him, it encourages him more to seek you out and end you. Your birthright would change nothing at this point past giving me just cause to stop spying for the Order."

"What about Draco?"

"What about him. He has known for slightly more than a few hours about the situation."

"You told the Order you had taken him in."

"I have. His father disowned him. He did nothing wrong. He was turned out of his own home for not being able to kill. I won't abandon him to the fates."

Harry shook his head. "I didn't mean you should. I meant what does he have to say about this, you and I being family."

"Nothing to me. I do believe he's probably as shocked by the revelation as you are. However if you wish to know his opinion I suggest you ask him."

The two sat silently for a few moments as the candles flickered, casting shadows across the floor of the room. "Where will you and Draco go?"

"Go?"

"Well you're still wanted by the Aurors. Professor McGonagall already said the evidence can't be given to them till the war is finished. Shackelbolt and Moody agreed. You can't just wander around London. So where are you going to go?"

"Who said I was going anywhere?"

"No one. I just didn't figure you would want to stay here."

"Honestly I haven't thought about it. Staying here is the most reasonable option. I can't return to Spinner's End because as you note I'm still a wanted criminal. I can't return to Hogwarts for the same reason. No offence to Minerva but that cottage of hers isn't large enough for two people much less three."

"Three?"

"I have missed many years with you. I do not wish to miss any more if that is acceptable to you."

Harry nodded his head a bit more enthusiastically than Severus had expected. "It would make the most sense to remain here. You have a home established here. I have my own rooms and lab here as well. There is room for Draco without forcing anyone out of their beds to make room for him. Though as the home is yours I guess the decision is yours. Where do you want to go?"

"Here sounds good."

"Are you sure. I seem to recall Arthur mentioning some reluctance to be here. I'm assuming you're still dealing with Black's passing. If remaining here is too painful we can seek other accommodations."

"It was bad when I first visited after…after you know. But I'm okay now. As long as I avoid his room and the attic I'm okay."

"Then it's settled. We stay here."

"When do we tell everyone?"

"That's entirely up to you Harry. I would understand if you went and found Mr. and Missus Weasley and Miss Granger to inform them immediately. I would also understand if you told no one. This has to be your call Harry."

"I think I would like to tell them sooner rather than later. You're right I would like to tell my friends right away, in the morning at the latest. The rest of the Order we can tell at dinner tomorrow. Almost everyone comes in for dinner now."

"Tomorrow it is then." Severus rose from the chair he had been seated in. "Harry I would ask one thing of you. Please try to give Draco a chance. For all intense and purpose I feel he is as much my responsibility as are you are, very much as a second son to me. In a way he always has felt that way to me as he has always been my godson. I would prefer if my 'sons' could be in the same room without hexing one another all the time."

Harry nodded. "I can do that if he can."

"I'm sure he can. He's changed. He's not the boy you went to school with."

"Yeah I kind of noticed when he let Molly hug him. He would never have allowed that before."

Severus smirked. "No he wouldn't have. He would have had something very sharp to say to her in the past. It's a wonderful change for him."

"I do believe we have missed dinner. Would you care to join me? I'm sure we can find your friends along the way if you wish to tell them."

Harry hopped up off the bed and followed the dark-haired man out of the room. He had made up his mind; tomorrow he would ask Severus to brew the potion. It was time to be whoever he truly was.


End file.
